Don't Get Your Panties in a Bunch

My primary school had a fire station just across the road. Okay, I suppose this depends on which part of the school you're in. Well you could see this fire station right from our playground where we had our breaks and lunch - and it was a real treat to see those shiny red fire engines drive in and out, the sirens on full blast. At times we almost took it for granted. Imagine our joy when we were told that we were having a class trip to the fire station right out of the blue! The excitement of just crossing the street was too much for us. The place was mighty and impressive - but it was the red fire trucks that brought stars to our eyes. We had firefighters all decked up in their gear, giving us a tour and explaining to us the dangers of something as simple as playing with a box of matches. All of that was great - but they left pièce de résistance for the end. You know that fireman's pole that they slide down when a fire alarm goes off? Well here's a pic just for a visual treat anyway:

That's a really shiny pole isn't it? Yes well, we were told that we'd all be getting a chance to slide down this pole - or so we assumed because all the boys got to go first, one by one and some whiners even wanted a second chance. Hey get in line buddy!!! When the last of the boys had had his turn, the teachers casually told the girls, oops, sorry, we don't have the time! Did I curse? No. Was I enraged? I don't remember. Was I disappointed and hurt? Yes - very much so. Do you know what explanation they gave us? We girls were in tunics, and so our panties would show - and that's unladylike. Never in my life did I wish more that I was born a boy. This was probably where the FIRST seeds of feminist ideology were sown. How old was I? Some where between 7 and 11 years old. I was upset with the world and knew very early in life that a girl's path was always more troublesome than that of a boy's - no matter how privileged you are. I guess our teachers had truly good intentions at heart. I mean, what if, in allowing us girls to indulge in this minor glory, we turned out like this:


Let it not be said that our teachers never looked out for us. But it is not teachers alone that shape our lives. Our parents, the church, extended family members and, of course television too shapes our minds and the limits to which we will go. To use an analogy from the sitcom Friends, while sexual promiscuity of both sexes was not at ALL considered a big deal, Chandler was always picked on for his smoking habit. Who draws these lines? Society, or the few individuals with the power and money to do so?

I'm digressing. I guess what I am really saying is - if I am blessed with children, I would rather have 5 girls, or 5 boys but not a combination of the two (yes, I am all for "big families" but one delivery could change all that I'm told). While I realize that this power lies only in God's hands (and I prefer to have it this way no matter how much science advances) I can't help but WISH for it. I will love all my children equally no matter what. But I am terrified of limiting or denying one the pleasures over another simply because of their gender. I realize men and women can never be equal - we're built differently both physically and mentally to ever achieve that goal. We're just asking for an equal CHANCE at everything - no matter how ridiculous it may seem. It's during the early years of our life that our personalities are developed - and for the most part it influences ALL our actions and our decisions unless we make a conscious effort to change it.

I am making a conscious effort to ease my fear of cars and driving. From an early age, I was told that girls are not mechanically inclined, will never make good drivers and could never do "guy stuff" as well as a guy. As a result, while most of my girlfriends learnt to drive at a very early age, my baby brother knew at 12 what I STILL do not know at 29, I would RUN the other way if the car's bonnet was ever lifted for inspection. To me, looking in there was looking into a scary void - a deep hole which I might fall into and never get out of. As a result I used ALL sorts excuses to NOT learn. In 2004 I took my driver's license in India with a 15 day crash course of 5kms/day limit. Then I never got a car to practice. When I went to SA in 2006, I had no choice but to learn and my Dad put me onto the SAME lady who taught him driving more than 20 years ago. I was doing fine till I noticed in the rear view mirror that Dad was following me in his car and my brain just stopped functioning. Even the instructor was puzzled till she realized what the problem was and made me park on the side of the road till Dad drove past. My Dad and my brother are the best drivers I have ever seen and by the grace of God have not been in any accidents of note. Now I see that in my husband too. They OWN the car they drive - they don't let the car own them. They are in control - and it was a control I always envied and feared. I wanted that so badly. Now, circumstances are such that I BETTER learn because I cannot depend on my husband to take me everywhere. I want to be that someone that others can depend on and I see this as a HUGE disability in my independent streak. I don't like to feel helpless. It's an awful feeling.

I've decided that my daughters will learn to drive by the age of 12 - or when EVER they want to (but I draw the line at 16). But they will also learn to cook, clean and look after a man. I'm not saying that I'll the best teacher for that but I will do my best to ensure they know all the "womanly" duties - as well as the basics like changing a light bulb or a car tire. It is important to me that my daughters assert themselves not only as queens of their own homes but also that of their man's heart. So yes, scared or not, they gotta squeal when they see a bug and let their man take charge of the situation :O) It sounds very corny and Mills n Boonish. But basically, they should be able to and ALLOWED to do what ever they want. I guess I'm just writing all this down because when I DO become a parent - it is possible my whole world will turn upside down and my value system will go for a toss. I might try to protect this child from the world to a point of suffocation. I just want some thing to fall back on to remind myself that I too, was once a sane individual with good intentions at heart.

I thank God for my parents and for my upbringing. We cannot help screw up on many fronts when raising our children for we are parents for the first time. If you are a first born, like me - you will probably bear the brunt of their inexperience. But every child is different. There's no manual you can follow. Only personal experience. My Dad was our best friend from the day we were born - because he made a conscious effort to be different from HIS Dad who was a military man - it was always about discipline in their household and my Dad wanted us to be good friends instead. My Mum, to this day, blames him for giving us that freedom. Personally, I prefer to use my Dad's formula than deviate from it, no matter what the consequence. My folks did a darn good job with me and my brother I think. I may not have become a successful career woman for all my education but I have enough wisdom to know that we do not, and cannot know everything about life. We have to learn it the hard way. That's a pretty good start I think.

God save my children :O)

*All images are sourced from Google - I never know who to get copyright permission from. Please don't sue me. I make no income out of this blog.