Working Girl

Yeah baby you read that right! Okay, well, I mean, it's not right if what you thought was wrong! :) Let me not waffle too much. I am officially employed again! I feel so much at peace now. Not working gave me so much stress that even I was surprised at how much I wanted to be EMPLOYED. I did consider starting up my own business by the way. Numerous brainstorming sessions with the better half, a company name fixed, blah di blah blah, and next thing I know - I get the job offer! I took the coward's way out and accepted it. We all know starting your own gig is FAR more brave and adventurous. One day, that too will happen, but I am not at that place yet. However, taking into consideration the way I feel right now, it won't be long before I get there.

That said, my wishlist has now tripled in size. I desperately need a domestic helper but it will have to wait till we get our own place, which will have to wait till I get me a car as it is quite difficult to depend on my spouse for a lift, and THAT will depend on my first salary, building a credit history and negotiating a car loan with the bank. I waited so impatiently for the right job (so relieved I do not have to do Sales - a painful role for me) and now I am waiting impatiently for all other things to materialize. Living in South Africa has its benefits and limitations. The biggest limitation is the safety factor - which is by far the most important factor to me. But the benefits help too - easier work times (we start the day early and end it early), clean air, good(ish) water, pleasant environs and making time for our family. 

I do miss the hustle and bustle of an Indian city, the good food (eating out here is expensive and not always to our tastes), the super cheap medical care, and street vendors amongst many things. But, I have started driving around, I go swimming at the gym when ever I remember to and we have a not-too-bad social life: I only had one dear friend in Bangalore and we lived opposite each other and even then didn't get a chance to meet as much as we'd like. I am so grateful for the day care system here that looks after the most precious gift in my life - my son. Now that I'm working, I no longer feel the guilt of leaving him in the care of others, even though logic always dictated that he was better off there playing with his peers than watching Pixar's Cars for the millionth time at home. I appreciate the idiot box, but it is more often becoming a child minder than an occasional distraction and I do not approve. In fact, we only watch specific TV series that we like, or the rare movie on a weekend. Once a domestic helper arrives on the scene I can truly devote more time to keeping my son entertained. Till then, it's parenting trial and error and a whole lot of yelling whilst you're de-greasing the oven tray.

I watched my parents live a highly sacrificial and mostly unhappy life because they always felt like strangers in a foreign land, and STILL feel so after 25 years here. I do not feel that way because my formative years were spent here and so, I am more accepting of the cultural differences. Being raised by Mallu parents and growing up with 40+ families-strong community also gave me some insight into Mallu culture. My hope is that I can be as accepting of a culture no matter where in the world I live. I cannot imagine something more wonderful than opening yourself up to such experiences as our ancestors once did before they formed groups and clans with rigid rules and established conformity. I love the idea of a global village but also accept that people are different and come with their own baggage, damage and prejudice. I love the ancestor that chose to rebel, and every human being in the world carries that gene of rebellion in them - it's what defines us. 

People ask me often if I miss India. The answer is an emphatic "Yes!" No matter where in the world I am, I will always miss it. I CHOSE to stay there for over a decade when I didn't have to. (Admittedly, about half that decade was because I fell in love with a wonderful man and could not bear to be apart from him.) Chances are, every holiday hence forth will be to India (unless I become a gazillionaire!) - we still have close family and friends there. When people ask me if I'd want to go back, the answer is an equally emphatic, "No!" I gave a huge chunk of my life to India but it gave even MORE to me. I love it and I will always carry a part of it in my heart, in my facial features, in my skin colour, and in my hair, in the twang of my voice, in the humming of Indian movie songs, in the cooking of my food and in the values I impart to my child. South Africa is not perfect - but, for now, it is home. And from here on, my hope is that I only move on to OTHER countries and take a little bit of India with me where ever I go, so that one day, when my soul parts from my body and I am finally buried on home ground, I bring back a little bit of the world with me.