2013 takes me back to 2009

Right now, in South Africa, the media is in a frenzy over Nelson Mandela's "unchanged condition". Everyone awaits the inevitable. I anxiously check into our company's Twitter account every ten minutes because I follow all the major news feeds. What is it that I am scared to see? A man, who gave up the prime of his youth (27 years) so his country can be free, is about to take his final breath. He is a great-grandfather, and only 3 weeks from his 95th birthday. He was a freedom fighter and also, a gentleman. His intervention in the 1995 Rugby World Cup (as portrayed in the movie Invictus - 2009) brought a nation together, and whilst things are far from perfect in SA, it would be a lot worse if not for him. I was in high school when the country was in transition, but as an adult fast approaching her mid-thirties, Nelson Mandela - Madiba, is STILL my hero. He wasn't a perfect human being. But if we look for perfection as an ideal to emulate, we would all be lost without great leaders. With the constant tweets that South Africa may lose Madiba at any time, leaves me feeling bereft. He is, to use the cliche, a guiding light to the darkness that perpetually envelops SA in the form of job losses, AIDS, corruption, crime and poverty. 

Another media frenzy is the imminent arrival of the Obamas to SA. I remember crying buckets during the presidential inauguration in 2009 - so moved was I to witness such an amazing milestone in history - the first black President of the United States. The year 2009 was also the year Michael Jackson died. I was in Bangalore completing my dissertation, and my husband, who was in Hyderabad broke the news to me. It was a huge downer and I still tear up when I listen to Give In To Me. I guess the most important milestone of all was starting off the year 2009 getting married. We left the day after our wedding - it was a hugely draining experience, both emotionally and physically. Whilst many hopes did not go according to plan, my husband had the state of mind to carry me into our new home in Hyderabad, which I was seeing for the first time. We didn't have much furniture, but there was a mattress to sleep on the floor, and as newly weds, that really seemed more than enough :) It was also the year that I met my in-laws for the very first time, even though they knew about me 3 to 5 years before. It was the year I got my very first pet - a Lab called Hyde, who was the glue in cementing a relationship with said in-laws, as my husband very nicely introduced us to each other and left for work the very next day. Hyde's presence broke the ice in what was, at best, glacial circumstances. 

There's a lot of pain associated with past memories, and learning to let go has been my biggest challenge. I would be lying if I said I was over the drama behind my wedding. I would be lying if I said I'm over having to give up Hyde when we moved to SA. Everyone has good days and bad days with their spouse. In my case, being the kind of difficult person that I am, there are more bad days than good. But when the good days DO come, they are beyond description. The credit for my sanity (if it can be called that) goes entirely to my husband. This year has especially been challenging to us as we are in somewhat new territory, no friends, and managing a household and a work life with a child thrown into the mix. The routine of household chores has gotten us both down, leaving us no time for ourselves, let alone each other. Basically, we are exactly like most urban couples of the world who have been so accustomed to luxuries such as TIME that we fight (okay, I fight) just to get the others' attention. 

My husband is definitely not perfect. But if you knew how I was raised, you'd see that it's my impatience with his imperfections that often ruins our relationship. I am, by nature, a people-pleaser. Meaning, I am ever-ready to please the whole world except those who are most near and dear to my heart. I am, however, slowly learning to tell people to f*** off. It is not easy. My greatest drawback is my very loose and razor-sharp tongue. I have even prayed that if I should be so blessed to get the same husband in my next life, I should be born mute. But even in my angst against the world, he has always been on my side. To him, I am right and the world is wrong, and if I should be wrong, he knows when to keep quiet. 2013 takes me back to 2009 because although our ship has chartered a few rough seas, we are ever grateful for our Captain, and a constant lighthouse (our parents) that have helped us keep on sailing. We're only four years into our marriage. I know that despite all the pain caused to us and to others, I would do it all over again, with the exact same consequences, if I could spend my life with him. To date, marrying him is the only thing I have done in my life that I am proud to shout from the rooftops. Not because I was rebellious and went against the tide, but because I have only been truly happy since he came into my life. He filled an space in my heart I didn't know I had, and then continued to occupy the rest of it. He took a huge leap of faith in me the day we married. I can only hope to be worthy of that kind of love. (I wonder who will do the dishes tonight :)