Sisters of the Bra-therhood
About a week ago, there was a fad going around on Facebook. It was all in the name of good fun until a few people started to get judgmental about it, and me, being the hot-headed fool that I am, I reacted. The following is what I shared as a note on my FB profile on 9th Jan:
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Colour Blind
I think this is the first note of mine of a personal nature - partly inspired by all the talk going on around the morality of posting your bra colour as a status and partly the Indian media's coverage of attacks on Indian students in Australia. What do the two incidents have in common? Nothing. What is common is the REACTION to it. People object, moralise and point fingers because they CAN.
How does posting your bra colour bring about Breast Cancer Awareness? Hmmm... I jotted down a colour in the spirit of the moment but am still in denial of the fact that I could be a possible victim to the disease. When I think now, geez if I lost my boobs to cancer, I wouldn't even NEED a bra (an awful device that restricts your rib cage and possibly does more damage to your breasts than if they were allowed to swing free - pendulum like, as God intended) let alone wonder about what colour it would be. Bras have been and always will be an instrument of tittilation. If you're so offended by it - take a stand to ban bra ads, or bras altogether. But do not judge those who chose to post a colour as a status as being wild or immoral - cos it's not like they said, "Hey guys, I'm wearing a black lacy underwire bra - it's padded and helps defy gravity - the cherry on top is the tiny pearl in the centre - oh if only you could see it, as your limited imagination couldn't possibly help you visualise what I have just described." You may ask then, "What if people start posting their underwear colour for prostate cancer or cancer of the uterus?" Simple - underwear was not invented for your uterus or prostate.
I guess I am just really pissed off at the idea that my girlfriends are considered morally corrupt by something as innocent as this. Judge ME all you like - I never once claimed to be virtuous and holy. But know that if you have bought a sexy bra when clearly, a cotton, conical, Naidu Hall variety would do, EVEN if it was to tittilate your husband - the INTENTION is STILL tittilation (you're no better than the rest of us). Don't portray breasts as being "dirty" when the intention behind its creation is so beautiful. The discussion that should be going on is when next are you going for your breast examination (with a doc, not with your better half - unless your doc IS your better half)...instead people love to sit and wonder, "Hmmm...this girl who wrote her bra colour as a status - how desperate IS she to get some." It doesn't at all seem to matter that this memo was intended for women ONLY to begin with. These same people who judge wouldn't think twice to stand up for say, lung cancer, cos it's less embarrassing to walk around with placards of lung images and cigarette stubs.
Before I rant any more, I just want to thank my girlfriends who sent this forward to me and inspired the puritans to come out and point fingers, thereby pissing me off. Because of you, I have decided to go in for my first breast examination ever this month. For those of you who were just tittilated by that - it's tit for tat my friend.
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When I thought about this episode afterwards (I tend to sit and think about stupid things when I am bored, or fume in frustration because some irrelevant person out there left crude comments) I realised that maybe my reaction was a part of my upbringing. No, my mum did not teach me to flash my breasts to get attention! She will go into shock if she even reads this. I grew up in South Africa. Over there, breasts are as big a deal as it is in any other part of the world but all for different reasons. When the women there dress, they have NO (as in zilch, zero, nada) qualms about partly exposing their breasts (not unlike how Indian women don't seem to mind exposing their navel while wearing a sari). Being a culture that only started to wear clothes about less than a hundred years ago, going top less is the least of their problems. Even now, when I go to SA, I try not to buy too many items of clothing because it is quite difficult to find tops that do not have ample cleavage. When we used to have cultural celebrations in high school, girls OUR age (when breasts had already made their presence known) would dance their tribal dance in grass skirts and...go topless! Some, who were really shy (products of the "civilized" era) would wear their bra. The boys would hoot and the girls would giggle and titter. But in NONE of our minds did the thought cross that the girls up on that stage were immoral. We quietly accepted it as a part of the way things were. Because God gave us breasts (albeit in various sizes) to feed our children. If it tittilates men, I do not see why that should be construed to be OUR fault and I do not see why we should be ashamed of it!
I guess what really bugs me of late is the pretence of being a goody-two shoes for the public eye. A person who chooses not to reveal their bra colour (may be because they didn't think it would help Breast Cancer in any way) will quietly ignore it - this to me is a good person. A person who chooses to not reveal her bra colour, and then reveals to the world WHY she didn't do it, there by bringing a lot of finger pointers out of the woodwork - NOT good person. A person who DID reveal a bra colour, because to her, it's just a colour on a status - will probably never do so again because of all this hype, a public eye questioning her value as a human being.
On a completely different note: I just watched my first episode of "Meet the Natives" on Nat Geo last night and I am a huge fan! It's a hilarious account of tribal people being exposed to the modern world and it had me in splits. The funny part was, it wasn't the tribals I was laughing at but at the so-called modern world. We have made so many social rules and norms for ourselves that we have forgotten some of the tried and tested traditions of our ancestors - the stuff that truly matter. It's a good laugh - if you get Nat Geo channel, try not to miss it.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Colour Blind
I think this is the first note of mine of a personal nature - partly inspired by all the talk going on around the morality of posting your bra colour as a status and partly the Indian media's coverage of attacks on Indian students in Australia. What do the two incidents have in common? Nothing. What is common is the REACTION to it. People object, moralise and point fingers because they CAN.
How does posting your bra colour bring about Breast Cancer Awareness? Hmmm... I jotted down a colour in the spirit of the moment but am still in denial of the fact that I could be a possible victim to the disease. When I think now, geez if I lost my boobs to cancer, I wouldn't even NEED a bra (an awful device that restricts your rib cage and possibly does more damage to your breasts than if they were allowed to swing free - pendulum like, as God intended) let alone wonder about what colour it would be. Bras have been and always will be an instrument of tittilation. If you're so offended by it - take a stand to ban bra ads, or bras altogether. But do not judge those who chose to post a colour as a status as being wild or immoral - cos it's not like they said, "Hey guys, I'm wearing a black lacy underwire bra - it's padded and helps defy gravity - the cherry on top is the tiny pearl in the centre - oh if only you could see it, as your limited imagination couldn't possibly help you visualise what I have just described." You may ask then, "What if people start posting their underwear colour for prostate cancer or cancer of the uterus?" Simple - underwear was not invented for your uterus or prostate.
I guess I am just really pissed off at the idea that my girlfriends are considered morally corrupt by something as innocent as this. Judge ME all you like - I never once claimed to be virtuous and holy. But know that if you have bought a sexy bra when clearly, a cotton, conical, Naidu Hall variety would do, EVEN if it was to tittilate your husband - the INTENTION is STILL tittilation (you're no better than the rest of us). Don't portray breasts as being "dirty" when the intention behind its creation is so beautiful. The discussion that should be going on is when next are you going for your breast examination (with a doc, not with your better half - unless your doc IS your better half)...instead people love to sit and wonder, "Hmmm...this girl who wrote her bra colour as a status - how desperate IS she to get some." It doesn't at all seem to matter that this memo was intended for women ONLY to begin with. These same people who judge wouldn't think twice to stand up for say, lung cancer, cos it's less embarrassing to walk around with placards of lung images and cigarette stubs.
Before I rant any more, I just want to thank my girlfriends who sent this forward to me and inspired the puritans to come out and point fingers, thereby pissing me off. Because of you, I have decided to go in for my first breast examination ever this month. For those of you who were just tittilated by that - it's tit for tat my friend.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
When I thought about this episode afterwards (I tend to sit and think about stupid things when I am bored, or fume in frustration because some irrelevant person out there left crude comments) I realised that maybe my reaction was a part of my upbringing. No, my mum did not teach me to flash my breasts to get attention! She will go into shock if she even reads this. I grew up in South Africa. Over there, breasts are as big a deal as it is in any other part of the world but all for different reasons. When the women there dress, they have NO (as in zilch, zero, nada) qualms about partly exposing their breasts (not unlike how Indian women don't seem to mind exposing their navel while wearing a sari). Being a culture that only started to wear clothes about less than a hundred years ago, going top less is the least of their problems. Even now, when I go to SA, I try not to buy too many items of clothing because it is quite difficult to find tops that do not have ample cleavage. When we used to have cultural celebrations in high school, girls OUR age (when breasts had already made their presence known) would dance their tribal dance in grass skirts and...go topless! Some, who were really shy (products of the "civilized" era) would wear their bra. The boys would hoot and the girls would giggle and titter. But in NONE of our minds did the thought cross that the girls up on that stage were immoral. We quietly accepted it as a part of the way things were. Because God gave us breasts (albeit in various sizes) to feed our children. If it tittilates men, I do not see why that should be construed to be OUR fault and I do not see why we should be ashamed of it!
I guess what really bugs me of late is the pretence of being a goody-two shoes for the public eye. A person who chooses not to reveal their bra colour (may be because they didn't think it would help Breast Cancer in any way) will quietly ignore it - this to me is a good person. A person who chooses to not reveal her bra colour, and then reveals to the world WHY she didn't do it, there by bringing a lot of finger pointers out of the woodwork - NOT good person. A person who DID reveal a bra colour, because to her, it's just a colour on a status - will probably never do so again because of all this hype, a public eye questioning her value as a human being.
On a completely different note: I just watched my first episode of "Meet the Natives" on Nat Geo last night and I am a huge fan! It's a hilarious account of tribal people being exposed to the modern world and it had me in splits. The funny part was, it wasn't the tribals I was laughing at but at the so-called modern world. We have made so many social rules and norms for ourselves that we have forgotten some of the tried and tested traditions of our ancestors - the stuff that truly matter. It's a good laugh - if you get Nat Geo channel, try not to miss it.
Really..were people pointing fingers? I thought everyone took it in the right sense and it was eventful, although i doubt the underlying cause was stashed away.
ReplyDeleteYeah I saw some comments by some people on others' statuses. It's fine to not like the idea - it's their right. They can send them a private message. They can even question whether it serves the purpose. But instead they say things like "these women want attention" or "pure tittilation" - why put it so openly on another's status where those WHO did take part might see it and feel really bad?
ReplyDeletemmmmmm.... thats a long post.... But as u said, it all depends on ur upbringing and perception.. sm ppl see it as a sensitive topic, then u need to respect it. And someone are open about putting up the bra color, in that case we need to respect their freedom to express. So yeah, in an ideal world, no one shud be pointing fingers.. But unfortunately, we don't live in an ideal world. So, people will point fingers. Now we should be okay with it too. Or we can react like the way u did. Either way, its fine
ReplyDeleteAnd we don't have to be ashamed of breasts. It is a body part. But di, can u tell me its like just any other body part? I know staring can make all of us uncomfortable? But which wud make u more comfortable - someone staring at ur arms? or boobs? Or do u think someone grabbing u by the shoulder is same as someone grabbing ur boobs? It is not the same right? So I think some people might find it as a means of getting attention. I'm not saying that is the reason why women( including me) put it up, but it is quite natural for 'some' people to think so. And m not taking sides here. But i guess this reaction was expected....
why shud we feel bad cos somebody else posted stuff...we know why we took part and arent we just answerable to us and not anyone else..screw all those who have other issues.
ReplyDelete@ Pointblank - yes, I realise that I over-reacted, but AGAIN - it was not for them finding fault with the fad (let's face it, it WAS a stupid but fun thing to do) but them using it as a platform to declare their moral stand point. Sensitive? Fine - don't do it. Yes of course it's not a perfect world, but my FB home page is MY personal space and I merely retaliated to what I did not like to see on it. I am never gonna be okay with people trash talking - in SA, you're asking to get bashed if you actually have the guts to say that out openly. Are people gonna stop moralising after my tirade? No. Am I gonna put up more colours or do something equally stupid? I dunno. The point is they said their part and so I said mine. And this is not just ANY body but people on your own friends list who put up such shit - and then having their own "moral" friends put in their two cents worth - on a STATUS! There is a difference Neetu in saying "Hey this is ridiculous and in NO way helps Breast Cancer Awareness" versus "Hey these women just want to excite their men friends." Both are criticism - but only one is asking for a bashing.
ReplyDeleteNo, not every body part is the same. A woman in Africa would bash you if you grabbed her breasts EVEN if she is exposing about 90% of it in public. For me personally, ANY stranger touching ANY part of my body is abhorrent to me, regardless of what my personality may indicate. I shudder as I type this. I ensure my body language tells the world I would ANY DAY prefer a palm-to-palm namaste to a handshake cos even some handshakes can be really creepy. Oh but wait, this is the imperfect world - social norms have already been put in place for me - my uneasyness has to be ignored for others' sake, and I do so to not seem unprofessional. Of course when it comes to friends and family it differs from person to person who gets a hug and who gets just a hello. No one, not even my husband, grabs me by the boobs so I fail to see the connection. But if you are talking about the violation of a physical space by some one grabbing a body part then what about violation of the mental space?
May be this is an upbringing issue. I really don't know. The more I debate or think about it, the more I am convinced that I did right to make them know I do not tolerate such talk without giving a good measure in return.
And do women really need to use their breasts for attention Neetu? It is the ONE part of your body that convinces everyone you are a woman. By merely having breasts you have brought attention to the world that you are a woman.
@ Open Book - Nishi I so agree that I shouldn't have risen to the bait, if that is what it was. Clearly I have issues that need sorting out. But some times you know, the moral ones feel no one can win an arguement against them - they win by default, simply by being "moral". These people were being so judgmental AND quoting Christianity all in one breath and I just saw red when I saw the hypocrisy. You're right, we're not answerable to any one but our own conscience (and God) - but where do you draw the line at allowing others to make sweeping generalizations about your friends versus knowing when to ignore it?
ReplyDelete